Long story as short & sweet as possible. Sexually molested 2 times by older male family member when 8 & 15, 2 rapes by 2 other men (the first ended my virginity @ 13/14, & the second was a date rape & I was sodomized, @ 22 yrs. I was domestically abused in late teens/early 20's by father of my first born, 23 year old daughter, had found out I was pregnant with 2cnd daughter when I was leaving him, in '90-91. Single parent from 1991 to present. Had met & been with most recent domestic partner on & off since 1995. He had emotionally & mentally abused & manipulated from 1998-2002, from 2002 until 2009 I endured all types of domestic abuse from him & left a few/several times. One of the many times I had left him was in the beginning of 2006 (was to be the last, we still had not been married, & had no children together). Found out right after I left that I was pregnant. I was devastated as I had finally had hopes for future. I decided upon abortion, but he convinced me that this time things would be different. Well, that was BS, as the abuse was worse from middle of 2006-2009 than it had ever been. He started smoking crack cocaine during my pregnancy. It didn't stop, until 2009, the year the physical abuse really got bad because of his drug addiction. From 2000-2009 I lived in very rural community on 20 acre farm, 80 miles from friends & family, so was pretty much held capitve. In 2009, he tried to run me over w/truck, while I was on phone w/911 due to he had just been throwing me into the hall walls. There were several bad physical abuse incidents that year. So now I was about to be a single parent again, at 38 yrs. old, (after being a single parent 23 years) with a 2 yr. old. I have moved approximately 18 times since 2000. Approximately 12 times since 2006, when my now 4-1/2 yr. old daughter was born. My 4 yr. old has moved with me approx. 8-10 of the 12 times. In 2007 he sexually molested my older daughter from the first father, 2 times, within a week, right after her 18th birthday. In Aug. 2009 there was an escalating situation with him over a period of a few days. His physical actions against me at that point were endangering my child, so I called 911. Went through a bunch of hell in 2 different county court houses, 80 miles away, with criminal charge & Order of Protection. Barely obtained legal assistance (his economical abuse of me was almost & still is worse than any of the other stuff as & have no way to fend for self). Have an Order of Protection that expires in October 2011. I do not have a driver's license & was forced to drive without one the past decade. Have a mini van but it needs a new transmission. I was self employed from 2000-2009. From 2006-2009 I worked while caring for my little one. My abuser allowed internet to become disconnected & I lost my job. At the time I had him arrested & got the Order of Protection, I was already 3 months out of work. Our little girl has my last name, & no father listed on birth certificate. I have been homeless since 2009. I had went to stay in FL with minor child the winter of 2010-2011. Had to come back as ran out of $. I cannot find a job, child care, transportation, housing, etc... I am living in a (hardly) partially finished small basement. Broken 30 year old tile floor, bugs & spiders galore. I share my bed with my 4 yr. old. The water heater, furnace & garage door & storage rooms are surrounding us. Our bedroom is our kitchen is our living room is her play room etc.... I am stuck in this basement with this child. Cannot get the assistance I need from state to get child care, housing, etc... Have been on a homeless shelter wait list since May 2010, my 4 yr. old & I have been seeing licensed domestic abuse therapists & advocates since fall 2009. (I'm in suburban Cook County, IL... I am not even a # here anymore. Just lost my food stamps & medical, as the state claims I am no longer an IL resident, despite me living here & reporting since spring of 2010.) I have had to, despite everything, "play a game" with abuser in order to get some kind of $ in order to barely survive. I have a child I am responsible for, & cannot financially support. The DV therapist says 4 yr. old shouldn't be alone with her father. I need to relocate to somewhere else, where I can get away from him & get on my feet. I am a college educated, intelligent, bright woman with major goals & dreams, but cannot even say I'll make it to tomorrow. I am battled out. I have no more fight left. I need to get the hell out of this basement, & provide a life for my children & myself. My oldest daughter won't even talk to me, & if she does, it's abusive. I need to relocate, & have big plans, but no means to do so. I have chosen a community, pop. 150,000, that has a good transporation system, a State University, excellent pre K system for my 4 year old, much better community services, which is safe & affordable. I have a friend in the area, but they can only assist with very short term housing & personally, I want to get on my feet & make it on my own, as the whole purpose of these goals is to become self sufficient & independent. I have sacrificed 23 years of myself being a single parent, working my ass off, & struggling to provide for my children, (never ANY child support...) I have endured approximately 14 years or more of collective abuse in every which way imaginable, & now I am starting all over again, exhausted, unable to do ANYTHING for myself, & have a 4 year old. I really just need to cut loose & go somewhere where NONE of my abusers know I am, where I can get a leg up & become the woman I should/could have been a long time ago. The life has been sucked out, & each day looks more grim, & I fear what I'll be up against once this Order of Protection expires, if we are still here "in the clutches".... Down & out...... Thanks for hearing my story...
